pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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