just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
