I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
now i know why i became what i already was.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
