Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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