I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
