My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
