i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
