I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
