So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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