Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
pop tarts are not kleenex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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