I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let's get the cat blown out
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
