And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
