So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
