i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
