he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
