i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
