My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
