dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
