So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Fuck appropriateness.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
