I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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