i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
