It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
