Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
