It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
