So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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