That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
