dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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