The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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