At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
