I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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