Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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