Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
God, I missed his penis.
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