Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
