Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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