make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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