she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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