I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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