idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You took a bar mat shot.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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