That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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