smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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