If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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