i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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