I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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