i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
