Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
