just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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