i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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