Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
