I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
