last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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