it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
