What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
