So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am available for nakedness
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
